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Your thought pattern may make you dizzy enough to forget where you started. But you're asking great questions & your mind is wandering in a healthy direction. The payoff will come - but not until you've stopped expecting it.
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I've been there, and in so many ways I still am. Headliner got to see the first (and the last) of me being my worst, and personally. . . I didn't like it. I don't know how make things work for anyone (including myself), but I can tell you to just be yourself when it comes to that special person. If not, you maybe singing "Better off Alone" instead.
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