Friday, July 15, 2005

"Living" Alone

You know the old addage goes, "You don't know what you've got til it's gone."

As I sit here in the silence of my apartment in the heart of downtown KC, surrounded by thousands of people, I've never felt so alone before. But alone on many different levels. I think we sometimes get spoiled by our surroundings. We (and by we I mean me) think that since we've made a ton of good friends in college, we can do the same anywhere. Well let me tell you that's not the case in KC. It is a very difficult place to meet people which leaves me very isolated from the world. I have a few friends on the surface, and a few I'd like to get to know better, but on the whole, my stock of friends has plummeted. I'm out of wine people.

As the drought of bonified friendships continue, I constantly think back to my time in Louisiana. I think back to the friends I left behind to try to establish a life elsewhere. I think of all the fun they've had and are having now. I think of what we could all be doing right now...and I'm a little sadder. I truly miss them. All of them. I miss the spades, the barbeques, the wing nights, the football games. And all because i wanted to try something new.

I've been asked to return. To come back home. But to me it would be admitting defeat. Tucking my tail and running home to momma. I came out here to build something. I don't know how long it will be, but I don't think i'm done yet. But i know i sure miss my boyz..and my girlz too.

A read the blog of a friend of mine recently. She had a post up there about living alone. She was really excited about living alone. But as I realize, she's not excited about being alone, just not having any roomates. Having the freedom to do whatever she wants. Not having to walk over anyone else's shit. Not having a roomate is cool, but sometimes you want one. She's lucky. She still has her friends, and some of mine. She lives by herself. I "live" alone.

But I trust and I hope and I pray that this is all a test of faith. That the good times will come back. That i will get back with my friends before I am forgotten. Because Voltron can't form without one of the lions, the Ninja Turtles aren't the same if Donatello's missing. You can't recreate Good Times without James. And "Damn, Damn, Damn!" I'm not the same without my boyz. But this is just a test. The sun shall shine again. The South may not rise, but I will. But for now, I "Live" Alone.


Anonymous Sita said...

Cheer up Charlie. You're one up on me, you got a job. Hopefully things will turn around. I'll be living alone starting next week and I won't have a job yet!!! I agree with you, good friends are hard to find. No worries though, they'll always be there.

5:59 PM  
Blogger theBoardroom said...

Know that there is no defeat in returning if that is where your heart is. The only defeat would not learning any lessons on making yourself an even better person in your time away. Wherever you choose to call home at the moment or in the future is lucky to have you and you'll find good people to help you conquer it with you!

Remember, true friends will always be thinking about you - asking about you, telling people how you are doing, reminiscing of the old times and anxiously waiting to talk to you. (or posting on your blog!) - That is a lesson that I have come to learn the hard way!

Holdin' down the fort for you!

6:31 AM  
Blogger ET said...

Boy did you pick the wrong city... MSN voted KC the worst place for singles not too long ago, and if it's a bad town for singles, I would say meeting people on any level can't be easy. I can't even imagine how you feel because I've lived here my whole life, so I not only have my college friends around, I still have all of my high school friends. In fact, most of my high school and college friends that did move away have all come back.

All I can say is that I agree with Darrell, I don't think you would be admitting defeat at all. Admitting defeat would have been to not come in the first place. But instead, you came, and like it or not, you at least tried it. You've been here for almost a year now... that's a pretty significant amount of time out of your life. So, I agree that you should follow your heart. And... in true "Kansas" fashion, remember... there is no place like home.

10:00 AM  
Blogger The Underdog said...

Thanks for the uplifting words. It's always good to know you've got good friends looking to give you words of encouragement. KC has me for a reason. Life is tough, but it's good to. Can't complain too much. A lot of people worse off than I.

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